Sun and Sin -
7 ways to show you are better than the rest of the tourists in a boozy beach resort
By Don Domath
Published on 04/17/2007

Too cool for school? Here's 7 ways to show off just how great you are.

You think you are better than us, huh?

When working as a bartender in sunny and sinny resorts there was a special type of woman who caught my attention. This type of woman is obviously in the wrong place. But in some way she has ended up in this boozy resort with her friends. She is the intelligent bookworm woman.

The intelligent bookworm woman spends a lot of her time by showing off the vast distance between her high self and the (in her opinion) cheesy low class resort and its visitors. I am sure we all have met the intelligent bookworm woman or some of her cousins some time.

7 ways to be the intelligent bookworm woman

1. In a conversation where American Idol or other reality TV shows are being discussed, proclaim proudly that you have never heard of them, nor watched them. This gives the illusion that you are so intelligent that you only use your time on high brow cultural products.

2. Start complaining about loud music upon entering a night club.

3. When silly drunken boy comes up to you and performs his silly opening line or ice breaker you need to bring him down to earth. Roll your eyes and then arrogantly deliver the following line: "Oh, yes, and I guess this is the time where we tell each other our names and occupation?" By doing this you show great analytical awareness of the social situation you are a part of. Your abstraction level is very high - You are so meta!

4. When all your friends are shotting tequilas, ask the bartender for an obscure red wine. By doing this others will think you are very special person with high class taste. Bonus point: The bartender does not have the red wine you asked for. You can now roll your eyes again and ask for that glass of water you really wanted.

5. When going to the beach, use SPF 75 to keep that ghostly shade of pale you have worked so hard for.

6. When lounging by the pool, read Dostojevski or other types of boring literature. You will look so intelligent compared to your friends who only read crime novels.

7. When at the beach, proudly show off  your hairy armpits to really drive home the point that you are a woman who want to be loved for her mind, not her body.