Sun and Sin -
Before buying her a drink: Think!
By Don Domath
Published on 04/24/2007

Too many times I have seen men throw away their money by buying drinks and cocktails to women who have no intention either go home with them or talk with them! Take some advice from a ex-bartender with these simple tips.

Simple tips to avoid throwing your money away

Scenario: You are in a bar and there is a woman you would like to talk to/dance with/do some gymnastics with. Some men are very eager to buy a drink for their "lady." To buy a woman a drink is a classy thing to do and it shows that you are interested in her. But to buy a drink without thinking is not a very rational thing to do. Here are some tips from my bartender point of view.

Think before you buy her a drink advice 1: Talk
This has happened to me a few times. A man notices a woman he likes. He stares at her from a distance but do not dare to do anything. Except - he asks the bartender to send a drink over to her. My first question is: "What drink do you want me to give her?" He doesn´t know! You guessed it, he does not know because he has not even talked to her.

If you can not bother to introduce yourself first there is absolutely no need to start buying drinks. Talk to her first!

Think before you buy her a drink advice 2: It takes two to tango, but 5 makes it hard to perform live
This is also a very good advice, and a nice bit of poetry in that subheadline there. If your object of the night is on a "girls night out" along with 4-5 of her girlfriends she is harder to get acquainted with. But many men still go for it.

You know you got to introduce yourself and get the talk going, but how do you know that the girl is interested in talking with men? Maybe she prefers to have a night out with her girls instead? Let me introduce you to the world of social psychology:

If her feet are pointed towards her friends while talking to them she signalizes that they are important to her and that she would like to continue to talk to them. Avoid approaching her when she is sending these signals. You are likely to be brushed off.

If her feet are pointing towards the bar, or the room where the rest of the people are, she is signalizing that she would be interested in interacting with others. In that case, her friends are just with her and their main objective is probably to have fun night out where boys are a welcomed ingredient. Go over and introduce yourself before someone else does!

Think before you buy her a drink advice 3: Everybody says yes to a drink
Once you are talking and interacting you will quickly learn if she is interested in prolonging the conversation. If her answers are one word and she generally looks away - cut your losses short and retreat. If she is happy to talk and looks you in your eyes - signals are good and you can offer yourself to buy her a drink to show what a class act you are.

If you offer yourself to buy a girl who is not interested in you a drink, she is likely to say yes, drink the free drink and leave you hanging. Do not waste your time on this sort of road to failure. Have some interaction first and try to read the signals she is giving out.

The buying of the drink: What does it really mean?
Here are some thoughts of the "I bought her a drink" situation. Please leave a comment if you disagree or have anything to add:

By buying a drink the man buys himself exclusive access to the woman - for a little while. You buy her a drink, she accepts. This means that you two will share a drink together for a little while. It is best enjoyed under 4 eyes. If she just takes the drink and walks away she breaks the common understanding of what the offer of a drink really is!

A classy man who is interested in the woman will of course offer to buy her a second drink. If the woman has no intention of involving herself with the man she should refuse another drink. Say thank you and continue her night with others. If she is interested in the man´s company, she should accept. Sophisticated women even offer to buy the second round of drinks herself, thereby treating the man to a drink. Equality!